Do you have Comparititis?

Social Comparison

Scrolling LinkedIn or Instagram to check what others are up to ?

Trying to 'match up' others in social status ?

Feeling "They have this, I do not?"

In today's digital and instant gratification era of doomscrolling social media, we often find others putting out the #goodlife, and a thought pops up - "Why am I not there?" 

But did you know that Comparision is not really a new phenomenon ? For many of us, early experiences from a young age, have implicitly and explicitly taught us to compare. Parents might have compared academic performance between siblings, or sports activities in school involve harsh rankings.

In today's world, social media amplifies the tendency to compare. We are constantly exposed to curated "highlight reels" of others' lives, making comparisons more frequent and often more skewed, contributing to feelings of inadequacy or dissatisfaction.

Why do we feel the need to Compare? 

In essence, comparing ourselves with others is a fundamental cognitive process that helps us define Who We Are, where we stand, and how we can grow and adapt within our social environments. We compare on various parameters, be it economic, social, hobbies, lifestyle, achievements, sometimes even whether our kids "match up". While it has clear benefits for self-evaluation and motivation, the challenge lies in managing the negative consequences that can arise from unhealthy or excessive comparison, such as envy, low self-esteem, and anxiety.

It is indeed a deeply ingrained human behavior, rooted in both our psychology and our evolutionary history. Several theories have explained the need for social comparison.  Festinger's Social Comparison Theory outlined why we compare, which is an internal need for Self-Evaluation and Self-Assessment stemming from:

• Innate Drive: Psychologist Leon Festinger's Social Comparison Theory (1954) said that humans have an innate drive to evaluate their own opinions and abilities. When objective, non-social means of evaluation aren't available (e.g., there's no ruler to measure your "intelligence" or "happiness"), we look to others.

• Understanding Ourselves: By comparing ourselves to others, we gain a sense of where we stand in a group, how we measure up, and what our strengths and weaknesses might be. It helps us answer the fundamental question of "Who Am I?" in relation to the social world.

• Benchmarking: Comparison helps us establish a benchmark for our performance, whether it's in academics, sports, or professional life. This allows us to gauge if we're doing well, adequately, or if we need to improve.

  
  

Is Comparing Always Bad ? 

Comparison, done in a healthy way can serve us well ...

1. Self-Enhancement and Self-Improvement:

• Upward Comparison: When we compare ourselves to someone we perceive as better or superior, it can serve as a powerful source of inspiration and motivation. We might observe their strategies, habits, or achievements and strive to emulate them, leading to self-improvement.

• Downward Comparison: Conversely, comparing ourselves to those who are "worse off" can boost our self-esteem and make us feel better about our own circumstances, abilities, or traits. This can be a protective mechanism for our self-image.

2. Harbours Social Connection and Belonging, Maintains Social Status

Humans are social animals, and our survival historically depended on living and functioning within groups. In an evolutionary sense, understanding our relative social rank was crucial for access to resources, mate choice, and alliances. Comparing allowed us to assess our "resource-holding potential" and "social attention-holding power." Even today, comparing ourselves helps us understand social norms, identify with certain groups, and establish a sense of belonging.

3. Reduces our Uncertainty

When we're unsure about our abilities, opinions, or appropriate behavior in a situation, we look to others for cues. If everyone else is doing something a certain way, it reduces our uncertainty about the "right" way to act.

4.  Connects us to our Evolutionary Roots

From an evolutionary perspective, the ability to compare oneself to others was vital for survival and reproduction. It helped our ancestors determine who were stronger or weaker rivals in competition for resources or mates, who to form alliances with and how to adapt to their environment and social challenges. This ancient wiring still influences our modern behavior, even in contexts far removed from the jungles.

Thus comparison can motivate and inspire, when done right. Seeing others achieve what you aspire to can show you what's possible and ignite your own drive. If they can do it, why not you?It can also push us to learn from others - observing someone successful can help you identify strategies, habits, or approaches that you can adopt for yourself.

But the question is, "Are we comparing with right intent?"

The Pitfalls of Constant Comparison

Compulsive and constant comparisons can mar our mentalhealth and emotionalhealth by creating ...

• Envy and Resentment: Feelings of jealousy, inadequacy, and bitterness, especially if you focus on others' "highlight reels" while ignoring their struggles.

• Unrealistic Expectations: We often compare our "behind-the-scenes" with someone else's "finished product," leading to unrealistic standards and self-criticism.

• Loss of Self-Worth: If you feel like you're always falling short, it can erode your self-confidence and make you doubt your own abilities.

• Distraction from Your Own Path: Excessive comparison can make you lose sight of your unique journey, strengths, and personal goals, your MOJO -what makes you uniquely you !

• Anxiety and Stress: The pressure to "keep up" or "be better" can lead to chronic stress and anxiety.

• Complacency: While comparing yourself to those "worse off" can boost gratitude, it can also lead to complacency if it prevents you from striving for more.

In a Nutshell...

Do you feel an obsession to always check what others are up to? 

Do you blindly chase goals without a real purpose or intent ?

Do you feel mentally drained and emotionally exhausted ? 

Now is the time to take a #Pause , cultivate #Intent and get to know yourself better. Begin with a basic but deep question -

"How is my social comparison serving me?"

Connect with us @ 9819890485 / mojomantra.coaching@gmail.com to unlock more #happiness, #peace, #purpose, #passion and #fulfilment in life !

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